In Memory of Juliet, the Hamster

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Stefism #32 When your neighbor asks you to watch their pet hamster over Thanksgiving break, just say no. You can feed it, change its water, and do everything you're supposed to do. But when the little girl next door comes to pick up her beloved little furball, she might burst into tears because her hamster isn't moving. Her mom may try to convince her that he's "hibernating," but who is she kidding?

I don’t know why, but I have the bad luck of being a pet killer. I have had four pets throughout my life and none of them have lasted longer than 6 months. First, a frog when I was 5. I think I forgot to change its water. But I was 5. Give me a break. Then a hamster, named Mickey, when I turned 9. That evil hamster would hiss and scratch every time anyone tried to touch him. Two weeks later, he escaped, and we never saw him again. At 11, my sister and I saved up our money and bought a pet turtle. A pet turtle that never moved and never ate and after a month we realized he was dead. I still think the pet store actually sold us a dead turtle. Finally, when I was 15, I got a pet iguana. He was so cute, and I was determined to keep him alive. Six months later, he got these little red bugs all over him and died. Apparently, I have a pet curse. Keep your little living things away from me. All I can handle now are some fish – some of which I have managed to keep alive for a while now. The ones that haven’t made it – well, I’ll save those stories for another day. And just in case you wondered, I did, in fact, warn my neighbor about my pet killing history…

Also, I have managed to keep all of my children alive. So there’s that.