Getting in the Car

Stefism #10: A good way to get your kids in the car real quick is to tell them they can each pick out one toy at the store. Then when you get there, say, "Kidding! I just need to get some milk."

See? I’m chock-full of good parenting advice. Let me know how it goes when you try this. I expect to hear some really good stories.

But seriously, when you have a lot of kids, it’s pretty much impossible to get them in the car ‘real quick.’ A minimum of a fifteen-minute buffer has to be built into getting ready to go. By the time you find your 2-year-old’s Spiderman boots (because he refuses to wear anything else), your 5-year-old has surely just remembered he has to go number two. And then your 10-year-old will have to run back upstairs to get something she forgot, while your 9-year-old continues to chew gum and watch TV as you’re screaming all over the house for your 7-year-old, who, as it turns out, is the only one who actually listened to you, but is now hiding from your red-faced hysteria in the back seat of the van. And if you have a baby, he will most definitely spit up all over you right as you walk out the door.

Alas, sometimes a 15-minute buffer doesn’t even cut it. Is that why I’m always late?