Stefism #27 Want to know what's really fun? Flying on an airplane with 5 kids by yourself. Want to know what's even more fun? Having your 2-year-old get a bloody nose on the plane and watching the blood splatter all over yourself, the person next to you, and the flight attendant as she thrashes her head around.
Stefism #22 When your baby feels like a ton of bricks, you may think it's because he's so fat. Think again. It might be because your three-year-old is putting rocks in the baby’s diaper.
Stefism #20 The Mother of the Year award might just be yanked out of reach when you hear a voice calling from the front door, "Um, hello? Is this your baby?"
Stefism #15 Before I had kids, if I saw a toddler with snot streaming down his face onto his upper lip, I always gave his parents a Look and thought, “Just wipe the kid’s nose already!” Then I had kids.
Stefism #5: When your 4-yr-old "accidentally" bounces a bouncy ball into a pee-filled toilet, you can try to extract it from the drain with various tools, such as a plunger or tongs. But let's face it. Eventually, you're just going to have to stick your hand in.
Stefism #4: When you are at the pediatrician's office and the nurse asks, "How many wet diapers a day?" try not to stare blankly as you think, "Is she asking how many times a day he pees or how many times I actually change him?" Just respond with my go-to answer for any question: "Normal."
Stefism #3: When you're nursing and your baby bites you, you could flick his lip. Or you could just bite HIS nipple.