Super Secret Summer Special Surprise

As parents, we all make mistakes. Some are small. Others haunt you every time school lets out and the sun stays up too long. 

Between my boys, my sister’s boys, and the neighborhood boys, my backyard was basically a free summer daycare.

This army of children was always hungry. And they always demanded popsicles. But being the responsible mother/aunt/neighbor that I was, I wasn’t about to let them eat popsicles all day long. So when I said no popsicles, they immediately pivoted:

“I want Goldfish!”
“I want pretzels!”
“I want caviar!” (Just kidding, no one ever said that.)

One day, they kept coming inside like a swarm of mosquitoes looking for blood. I was exhausted by the endless requests and constant feeding. You can only get so many mosquito bites before you lose your mind.

Then, inspiration struck.

“Listen,” I said. “Stay outside, and I will bring you a super secret summer special surprise.”

Their eyes widened. “What is it?” they chorused.

These kids never listen. “It’s super secret,” I said. “And a special surprise.”

I’m really good at naming things.

I herded them back outside and grabbed the biggest bowl I could find. It was huge—honestly, I could’ve fit a small child inside it.

Then, I just started dumping.

Goldfish.
Pretzels.
Cheerios.
Chocolate chips.
Popcorn.
M&Ms.
(No caviar—I wasn’t a monster.)

I stirred it all together like some sort of culinary genius.

“Behold,” I announced, carrying the snack and a stack of plastic bowls outside. “Super Secret Summer Special Surprise!”

The boys charged like a pack of wild dogs. Within seconds, the entire bowl was empty.

Pleased with my ingenuity, I went back inside. Finally, they were fed and entertained.

But much to my chagrin, my Super Secret Summer Special Surprise was too successful. The boys started requesting it every single time they came over.

They turned into little snack-obsessed monsters.

Eventually, I got tired of making it.

Five years later, even though they’re in middle school, they still show up asking, “Can you pleeeease make us Super Secret Summer Special Surprise?”

And now, I just say, “Go get a freaking popsicle.”